what was is not, what is...is

This morning I saw on facebook that several people
seemed relieved that the world was still infact
spinning and continuing.
It never even occurred to me that some random date
was going to be the "end of the world".
Calendars and time are so abstract and have not been
consistently kept up with over time.
Not to mention distortions of language and culture.
We get so hung up on numbers and significance.
Birthdays, age, weight, calendar dates, size of clothes,
height, etc.
All of these numbers are made up and only hold the significance
we give them.
Anyway, we all need our significances right.
Ive been on the coast for the past week nursing a cold.
I have managed to get in a good spin class, Pilates and Yoga.
Also met a couple nice gals and went out to dinner.
I haven't been reading and writing as much as I was
so I am getting back on that asap.
This morning I am heading up to Portland with a friend
to spend the weekend.
Tonight we are going Salsa dancing and out to see a bluegrass band.
Should be pretty fun!
My mind has been quiet lately.
I let thoughts surface but I don't hold them
and they quickly fade away.
It is a strange feeling and at times leaves me feeling numb.
This is a season.


i haven't been to this space in quite some time.
my camera broke, then the computer i use to upload 
photos, broke...and in the summer money is, well...
lets just say cameras are fixed with tape and second computers are shelved.
this break has lead to a break from social media in general.
this is good.
we have been enjoying our summer.
it hasn't followed the plans i envisioned.
-lots of swimming, vacations, bike rides, camping...-
mostly because it has been so hot here.
it is in the hundreds, easily, most days.  no rain, no breeze, just hot
sticky- can't breath steaminess.
we have been to the pool a few times and we will go some more,
but camping and riding bikes it out of the question.
i usually don't mind hot summers. i have worked outside
the past three summers.
however, i am 35, and the idea of shoveling, lifting, trimming brush in this
blanket of heat- seems awful.
have i outgrown my romantic ways?
-or- is this weather iNsaNe
i use to love to sweat and get dirty outside and end the day with a cold beer
and reggae tunes on the front porch.
hopefully i am still that wild gal at heart.  
maybe i am just getting older, or my tastes our changing.
either way i have found myself dreaming of moving to colorado, or northern 
california or at least near the ocean.
i miss outside.
the little one is throughly enjoying the summer program she is in a few days a week.
their are 'old' friends, picnics, ice-cream treats, and craft making.
each session they focus on a new theme...so far, the deep blue sea,
what's in the backyard, the vast landscape and soon outer space.
she has been doing the summer reading program
 at our local library and has won several wonderful prizes.
we have a new puppy who we adore! her name is Suki and she is a wauzer.
she is the sweetest most cutest pup.
we have been attending bi-monthly potlucks with sweet friends.
pollywog and the children frolic with flushed cheeks while we sip new
summer concoctions, share yummy foods and play games.

i am planning to retire this blog and start a new one.
my life is in such a different place compared to when i started fishdreams.
that is an understatement.
its time for a fresh breeze to blow through. a new look, a new beginning.
i will leave a link to this new space once it is up and running.
i am in a transition. i can feel it. my spirit is quiet, so is my voice.
paths are forming and i am learning to embrace who i have become.
older, wiser, careful, and maybe not so free-spirited. 
i am learning to embrace the new, and reach for what i have always wanted,
and accept what i have lost.
this journey is difficult at times but it is mine.
the hardest mountain i climbed i did with one strong leg
and when i looked behind, it was a hill instead.
(from my ~Tales of the Nomadic Tree~poems)

so far

- we have floated around a lazy river
- bounced on the enormous down filled bed in our room
- sat in our jacuzzi tub just for fun
- watched a magnificent, music accompanied fire-work display sitting on a lawn over a lake
- watched pollywog and other children gleefully dance while music filled the sky
- eaten breakfast on our balcony overlooking the water
- cheered the lil one as she scaled a climbing wall
- spent an entire day swimming at pool complete with waterfalls,
views of rolling hills and far away lakes...
catching pollwog the many, many times she jumped to my happy arms and clapping as she 
showed mommy how she can swim.  
- went on a moonlit, bullfrog serenaded walk
and we have three more days!!!

we still plan on more pool time, paddle-boating, canoeing, bonfire and smores, 
minature golf, movie night in the pool, ice-cream, and maybe a little R&R :)
as i type this a sunkissed gal is pleasantly snoring next to me probably
dreaming of jumping into my arms and doggy paddling back to the side.
because that never gets old...not even for this achy armed mama.
we are having the best vacation evah!


my regular computer is having some issues
thus no images in this post.
which is too bad because i have some great 
pictures taken over the past week.
for instance "game night" photos.
i met some great families while teaching, oddly enough 
some of the parents i use to run with back in my early twenties.
now we are grown up with kids and it has been great to reconnect.
this small group that is forming came to my cinco de mayo gathering
and we all decided that monthly we would rotate houses and host pot-lucks,
game nights, movie nights, etc. it has been an answer to many prayers.
our little girls play together non-stop, there are sweet babies
to coo over, there is always yummy foods, and lots of 
laughter and story telling.
it is a lovely mix that i am grateful for.
this past friday was our first game night.
most of the night was spent on blankets on the lawn
sampling different cheeses, bowls of melons, pasta salads, bean salad, 
and sipping tequila sunrises and mint conditions.
the girls played in the sandbox, dressed up in princess wear, and 
made good use of all the new, to them toys of the host's daughter.
there was a slack line and attempts to balance, and a game of charades 
complete with belly laughs.
least i forget i must mention the momentous amount of images
from thursday when my sweet pollywog graduated pre-k.
there was a cap and certificate ceremony where my sweet one
was introduced as the artist of the class 
 i went home with arm fulls of potted flowers and chocolates
from the sweet children i was blessed to teach.
but all the images will have to grace this space
another day,
because we are off to a four day vacation for memorial weekend.
i had settled myself to staying home and relaxing
but the universe heard my inner pleas for a small trip,
and the beginning of summer memories with my lil one.
so we were given this gift of four nights at an all inclusive lodge.
jacuzzi, several pools, game rooms, tonight a firework show over the lake, 
bbq and music, hiking, paddle boating, mini-golf, ice-cream stands, and loads of memories to be made.
i am so beyond excited and feeling mighty blessed.
last night her and i packed and she had all her favorite outfits laid out
and we did happy dances in between.
when we return there will be pictures.

::words&pics from our weekend::

our weekends have been full with the addition of soccer.
thankfully the weather has been beautiful each game.
initially when pollywog started soccer i wasn't sure if it
would be "her thing"...she is a bit shy when it comes to be around groups
of people. at the first practices and games she would hide behind mommy
or i would have to walk out onto the field with her, and when folks cheered
 she didn't like it.
but a couple games under her belt and this girl has blossomed on the field.
saturday was a double header and last games of the season.
she received a medal and was elated! "mommy my first medal".
the team calls her the closer! she gets out there and plays hard and made the one
and only goal of the season!
she loves soccer. she always has a huge smile on her face.
she loves being goalie, but also loves the constant running back and forth.
watching her play has been such a joy.
she wants to start T-ball now.
i have a feeling she is gonna be my little sporty girl.
no matter, watching her confidence grow and the happiness on her face
has made this mama feel very blessed.
 this summer she'll play t-ball and take swimming.
this fall she will do cheer-leading at her kindergarten and start violin.
i want to offer her the world and let her learn about herself and grow.
i am so proud of her.
there are just two short days left of pre-k.
this sentimental mommy has been feeling a bit emotional about 
these milestones. it all happens so fast.
this ::time::
the school days have been filled with fun activities.
thursday is graduation and a celebration.
she has made such dear friends this year.
i enrolled her in a two day a week- four hour day- summer program
that all her buddies will be attending.
it should be fun! 
she is pretty excited.
there will be themes such as "under the sea"
 "outer space", "my backyard" and so on.
so on these two days i will do my gardening and landscape
and the other days i will be watching a classmate of her's and his
little sister and we will spend the summer at the pool, 
camping, sports,crafting, road-trips and seeing daddy.
  i  am looking forward to being home with her.
although i have enjoyed teaching this year, 
i found myself zapped after work.
being a pre-school teacher is exhausting!
i have felt zero inspiration for painting or art in general.
i was asked to put a series up but have just felt uncreative.
so starting next week i plan to paint 
and i am experimenting with primitive pottery this summer too!
this memorial weekend we are headed out to canoe and camp!
i am so looking forward to relaxing by the fire, soaking in the beauty
of the float and making some fun crafts at the camp-site i have planned.
but before this weekend there are endings to celebrate, 
a neglected garden to tend, and moments i don't want to miss.
simple, sometimes unnoticed, once in a lifetime moments.