This Moment

A Friday ritual. A single photo or photos- no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.


today was a sunny day
 the little one had a great day at school
then played outside
 this evening a dinner of fish, mac&cheese
and little oranges that are so 
juicy, sweet and yummy!

 after dinner she sat in my lap
and we sang songs
shared our days
talked about bubbie
and had a special time of connecting.
after she jams 
we are off to the library!

This Moment

This Moment
A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

on my mind

The past few days have been both difficult and an answer to prayer.
My son started an accelerated high-school National Guard program.
That's probably sugar coating it, but overall this is what it is.
He will be away from all of us till this summer 
and it is safe to say he will be facing some of the hardest challenges of his life.
It was very hard to leave him. He was brave and seemed determined.
He is ready to do some personal chiseling.
I was unbelievably proud and inspired by his courage.
I wish I could say I was as strong but my blubbering in the corner showed my weakness.
How do you let go?
I never realized how hard it is to let go.
When I look at him I see my little guy with the bowl cut.
The one who snuggled next to me in bed till he was a big kid.
The one I grew up with . Who comforted me just as much as I did him.
He is now the age I was when I had him. 
That blows my mind.
He is my best friend. 
I have told him this for years and I still feel the same...
if he wasn't my son I would want him to be my friend.
He is one of the most awesome people I know.

This has been such a damn hard past few years.
The death of my confidante and father.
B and I going our separate ways
and ALL that happens after that.
My son and daughter have carried their own personal trials and stories from this decision
but it has been two years now and life goes on and we are all figuring it out.
There has been a lot of GOOD too.
A lot of time to reflect, learn, grow and even blossom.
Pollywog is doing amazing and is happy, stable and adjusted.
CJ I think took the brunt of it all.
The middle of the teenage years is never a good time to weather storms.
He has scars...both emotionally and physical.
The physical having survived a major car accident not even a year ago.
His graduation is almost a year to the date of this accident.
I feel the guidance of all that is happening.
At night my dad comes to me.
During the day God speaks to me in whispers, in the sky, in my heart
and I know that we are on the path we are suppose to be on.
A mother wants to extract all the pain, sadness and hurt their children carry
and inject it into themselves and bare it.
but we can't.
we have to let them learn, fight for their dreams, and figure out who they are.
My arms will always be waiting to hold him
my love will never waver
and I will always be here when he needs me.
The biggest blessing I have found with being a mom is watching the love my kids have for one another.
Despite the age gap, the love is strong.
Pollywog will always have a protector in her bubbie
and he
will always have someone who believes he is a super hero!
make that two people who think that!

who needs a t.v.?

A new member joined our home today!
pollywog has been counting down the seconds waiting for this moment
such a sweet and simple pleasure
a quiet, contemplative water abode
i could sit a watch for hours
and it seems i am not the only one
the peaceful bubbling water
the beautiful water ballet
and a special little girl who has brought a sense of stillness to my life 
that i am so grateful for
she is reflective, curious, calm and imaginative
and i am better for knowing her
who needs a tele?
(a princess watching a princess)

this moment

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.



This Moment

This Moment
A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
(thankful for inheriting bubbie's legos)

you are my sunshine

one of my favorite times of the day 
are morning breakfast with pollywog
thankfully it has been sunny round here.
 this morning i opened all the blinds 
and as we sat and chatted 
the sun slowly began to burst into our home
making everything glow
each morning 
as we eat our breakfast and i sip my coffee
we laugh
chat about what she will do at school
what we will do after school
we discuss things she is curious about
plans for our garden 
dreams of our farm 
(she wants 2 farm cats, one dog, a duck and fish on our future plot)
i treasure these mornings with her
having quiet mornings that move slowly, peacefully, and lovingly
is something i strive for
it seems to set the tone for the day

the art of a good brew

life has begun a new pace
i am a woman/artist of cycles
not the obvious one
but rather i go through phases where my mind and body crave
solitude and quiet- a time to reflect, journal, just be.
i find myself in a place where i feel uncomfortable because
i seem to be lacking motivation (this is one i am currently in)
i find myself often sitting and reading, jotting notes, devouring documentaries online, 
and mentally marinating in an abundance of information, ideas, images, etc.
this time is often followed by a time where my energy/motivation increases
slightly so, and all the jumble and mess in my overflowing brain
gets a douse of clarity and organization.
a time i begin to untangle it all and form clear ideas.
this doesn't just apply to my art, it applies to all aspects of my life.
plans and goals for the future, new arrangements in the house, recipes, activities with pollywog, 
fitness regimes...
this time is usually and hopefully followed by productivity.
a burst of projects scattered and worked on in every corner.
many proverbial balls above me.
there is a flurry, a "what might seem to the outsider" craziness and even a chaotic energy
but to me it is a purging of weeks, sometimes months, even years of ideas and plans
that have been stewing inside me. 
drifting in and out of my dreams.
keeping me awake at night...
and the best part
these ideas, goals,gnawing thoughts, concepts- were- passing thoughts that were captured,
brewed, and slowly and magically began to connect and become reality.
doors start opening, people enter our lives, and synchronistically all that's suppose to occur
seems to come together.
that is the word i would describe it all.
a constant
in any case i have been stewing in the "collecting phase" for weeks now and reminding 
myself, when i feel unproductive or lazy,
that its all my process and it doesn't have to look like anyone else's.
that everything is coming together.
paintings are forming, new art projects are breaking through,
crafts and learning opportunities to do with the little one are mentally being planned-
the plans i have dreamed for my life are continuing in a forward motion
doors are opening and i am walking through them just the way i should
not running as i did in my youth
but walking and trusting.

::i change::

i am excited to shed 2011 
it was a difficult year for our family
however some of the most beautiful moments of my life occurred.
parts of myself have emerged that i had thought were gone forever.
i have a contentedness about me now that i have not experienced before.
it was a quiet and patient process
one i did not rush
i allowed myself to feel sad
and happy
the latter sometimes the most difficult one to do.
i feel as though i was in a cocoon developing
and I'm slowly evolving into the woman i have always longed to be.
the lessons of the past year have been heavy
but in them i learned how to be light
to give myself and others 
to love my fellow man through the knowledge that we all 
have our stories, our reasons 
and we all deserve to be able to be who we are
without judgement.
the biggest lesson i have learned that i will always keep with me
is to 
let go.
for it is in the letting go
the stepping away
the giving to God
where we see the true beauty of one another
and ourselves.
- i will speak gentle even when angered
conducting myself in a peaceful manner with my children and others is very important to me.
when i am in the presence of gentleness it captures my attention more than when someone speaks
loudly. pollywog listens more intently when i speak softly with her
and take the time to listen and discuss matters.
- my words will be encouraging to others
- i will provide more times of quiet and peace in the home.
without television this has already occurred.
this evening pollywog was coloring and i was reading and she remarked
on how quiet the home was...peaceful.
she said "im glad we don't have the television anymore bc we do more things.
- i will not speak disparaging about myself
- i will eat more raw fruits and veggies
- i will spend more time outdoors with my little one and alone
- i will be more active and let my body do what it was made to do: move
- i will be more active with my arts and crafts
- i will continue learning the skills to live the life i have longed for.
one based on the values of simplicity, quality, and time spent in value.
i.e: baking all of our bread, learning how to raise chickens,
sewing, knitting, photography, home-made foods
for self-sufficiency, gardening, etc.
- i will make our mental and physical health a priority via what we eat, how we spend our time, 
being active, thankful, and nurturing.
- i will be more thoughtful about consumption and consumerism by not being wasteful.
composting, not buying brand new items but rather thrifted items (if needed), using what we have or doing
without. not using papertowels, finding new ways to use old items, getting rid of what we don't use or need.
- we will accomplish hikes in this area i have put off, taking the little one canoeing and camping.
- travel to craft fairs this summer to sale our wares.
- a big goal i have for 2012 is to travel with pollywog to hawaii to visit.
now for one of these resolutions i began today:
bread baking. 
i plan to make all of our breads.
its cost efficient, healthier, makes the home feel cozy, and is a therapeutic process.
Soulemama has a great suggestion for storing home-made bread that I would like to do as well.
i will conclude this with a kiss.
pollywog made me a special gift tonight
she calls it the "kiss sender"
she posed me and photographed me sending kisses

the eve of 2012

we had a sweet, quiet, new years eve
most of the day was spent outside
(my garlic and onions)
(pollywogs working on a stick fence for her small garden)
in the evening we had a lovely, simple, candle-lit dinner of bruschetta, pizza and salad.
followed by chocolate, fudge brownies.
 we shared our resolutions
(pollywog's is to learn to ride her bike sans training wheels this spring)
and watched an old movie.
she didn't quite make it to midnight, i barely did
but luckily i caught the fireworks in the sky as 2012 began.
::happy new year::