up to...

Thursday evening my sister and her family came over for dinner. We had such a lovely time.

I set up a lovely table,complete with candles, on the sunporch for the kids. We had a baked potato bar, and I made a new crispy, baked chicken recipe (for everyone but me, the lone veg-head).

We sipped on white wine and played a game I made asking one another questions like: "where do you see yourself in 5 years?", "what is an injustice you feel most passionate about", "favorite childhood memory"...etc It was so wonderful to learn more about my sister. I was surprised to know that there were some tid-bits about her I did not know. I gave the kids a box, tape, cotton balls, scissors and papertowel rolls and they all created together. It's amazing how fun a box can be. Pollywog actually spent alot of time in this said box before our guests arrived. I kept going in her room to check on her but she was content and having fun sitting in a box. Go figure...

My niece made me this

OMG I love it sooo much!!!! Friday was our "day home together" we slept in a bit and after breakfast headed out in search of yard sales. I was on a mission to find an old desk to add to pollwogs room. I am going to be making some changes to her room. She crafts so much that she really needs a creative space to explore and go wild in. Also, she is still sleeping with mommy. In her own bed, but in my room. As an avid co-sleeper, transitioning to solo sleeping has always been an issue for me. My son slept in my room till around the age of 10. To prevent that, I am designing a plan to transition her to her own room. It goes something like this...her and I decorate and make her room a place tailored to her, a place she feels cozy, can dream, play and grow. I want to make a canopy for her bed which I know will delight her, as well as a reading tipi ...currently her reading nook looks like this-

She has earned an aquarium with her responsibility chart, so we are in search for a new aquarium to illuminate her room at night and lull her to sleep. Then I plan to sleep next to her until she falls asleep till eventually it all seems normal to her and she is transitioned. (Hmmm, sounds perfect right :D ) It makes me so happy to see pollywog adjusting to the changes in her life and seeing her feel secure in her routines and trust that there will be no upheaval. That was something that worried her for awhile once arriving home. Often she would express how good it was to be home, be with her cousins, around her toys and friends and that she was worried she would have to leave or that things might change again. It took daily reassurance and alot of hugs and kisses but I feel that now, she feels secure. We plan for activities in the future. This is important for her, to build a life here and relax into it. Next week at school she has her Halloween party, in two weeks she starts ballet. In December she has a ballet recital and a Christmas program at school. As well as a birthday party my sister has been planning since pollywog got back home in August. (Its gonna be pretty special!!!!) For kindergarten next year she will be attending the school her cousins attend. This is something I am especially thrilled about. My sister and her kids LOVE this school. One of the directors is a leading advocate and speaker regarding literacy and has created a successful reading program for kids. For pollywog to be able to see her cousins each day, share activities, be in plays together, and grow in this environment throughout the years is a goal to accomplish. Whoa, I got off the subject- back to Friday...

We headed off to yard sales and some thrift stores. Pollywog has been asking for mommy to get her some, "harder puzzles". We found several puzzles that challenge her, and I also purchased this cool basket

I simple love it. I haven't decided its purpose yet, so for now it is hanging in the dining room storing pollywogs puzzles.

Pollywog also picked out some infant clothes for her growing brood.

Friday evening after taco salad and a yummy, cold Octoberfest beer (ahem, the little one had water), she spent the evening assembling puzzles while I worked on a little project for her.

You will have to wait to see what it is...

sentiments

On this cloudy and rainy day I find myself feeling sentimental. Often times I go back and read and look at pictures on this journal and find myself crying at the images of my children growing up so fast.

Seeing how quickly life can change and become something completely different then it was before.

Almost unrecognizable really. Seeing images of myself juxtaposed to images of today Recognizing the sadness in my sons eyes today versus the innocent glee from just a couple years ago. I am able to see the "hits" life has given my family...subtleties only a mother or father could observe behind the smiles and captured moments of us "going on and moving forward" as best we can. Facing the choices I have made, B has made, that have had the greatest affects on our family. Acknowledging that some changes needed to be made, and others could have been made in a better way. All of us growing up, learning, figuring it out and trying to salve all the wounds with as much joy and continuance we can muster. Especially regarding my littlest one. It has become my mission to let her continue to have the fleeting blessing of innocence, daily joy and a sense of moving forward in life. Absent of the confusion and instability that has been present in her life this past year. I haven't been able to do this with my son. He at 16, is past the stage where I can shelter him, create diversions and distractions from all that is going on. He vividly sees the cracks in life and bares his own scars and resentments. Both literally and figuratively. Facing his own mortality in a car accident this year- his reminders are in the physical form, and the emotional ones he has kept to himself thus far. Although I can see they exist along with the ones of simply missing B. I feel in some ways we have failed him and I carry that with me into each day. However, I have refused to sit and wallow in all that has happened. I try to not allow guilt to consume me. I am choosing to continue to provide normalcy for pollywog as much as possible. To answer her questions as honestly and appropriately as possible. To continue sitting around the table for dinner, to continue to celebrate each day and each discovery. To provide a stable, warm, cozy home. To have regularity, routine, surround ourselves with family and friends. I in turn am rewarded with a happy, balanced, stable, secure little girl. A little one who fills the home with laughter. Whose smile literally lights up even the greyest days. A little girl who is learning, discovering, making friends, has fully acclimated and settled into a life I have worked hard to create. This morning as I drove her to school I watched her dancing in the backseat. Her face was gleaming, and her "pollywog" way of dancing made me smile so deep inside I thought I might burst. I suddenly had this overwhelming desire to take her home, hold her, protect her. Images of her as a baby and toddler flooded my mind. How fast it is all moving...but I walked her into class and watched her run to bead necklaces with her friends. I realized that letting her grow, learn, and trust herself, is protecting her. Letting her develop into herself and providing a soft place to fall when needed, and providing CONSTANT...constant love, constant guidance, constant listening, constant acceptance and constant security. I am so excited to watch this precious child grow. I am excited to see our relationship grow and change. When carrying her in my womb I would dream of traveling with her, going shopping together, giggling in bed talking about boys, having that special mother daughter relationship. Then I began to think of my boy. His smile, his creativity, his ideas that swept me up right along with him. His hugs, his laughter and humor...and how far away he feels from me. From his sister...how much I miss him...miss his smile and happiness. How much I miss watching my kids play together, hug, learn. I cannot begin to describe the pride and pure love I have felt watching my children interact together. So I prayed. I prayed for guidance, for protection for my kids, for a full circle moment when my son comes to me and puts his arms around me and tells me he loves me. A moment where I can hold him and begin to heal the broken heart he is carrying. A moment when he and I remember what a beautiful life we have shared together as mom and son and best friends. A moment when pollywog and him play, laugh and we are a family again. Maybe not the one we were, but a family just the same!

weekending

our weekend flew past...

friday was circus night-saturday we went to my dear friend kunti's farm for a yummy meal, bonfire, music and an overall great time. the weather was unbelievable...the air was warm, the sky full of stars and the moon illuminated the children's play around the field as us grown-ups sat around the fire. pollywog fell asleep in my arms next to a cracklin fire... sunday we put a blanket in the backyard and snacked, dug in dirt and played harmonica. we relaxed watching cloud animals and leaves dancing their way down to the ground. after a busy day at the preschool we are now relaxing. pollywog is making a hamster cage and hamster out of a kleenex box, papertowel rolls, and cotton balls. she was inspired by the new hamster, pluto, in her classroom.

tomorrow is a full moon and we have plans for a fire of our own

:::cheers:::

to a new week

may it be full of treasured moments

Friday's moments

i have had little time to visit here and reflect and document our days.

i am enjoying my new class of two year olds. their small absorbing selves.

i especially love that i pass by my little ones room often and get to peak into the window watching her play with her friends, work on projects and when she catches a glimpse of me gather all the kisses that are blown my way! i also love that there is no school on friday so pollywog and i get to enjoy a day of sleeping a bit later, moving a bit slower, tidying up the house, playing outside in this AMAZING weather, and spending some time crafting, reading and snuggling together. did i mention the weather is unbelievable. the sun has been shining, the breeze blowing, the temperatures cool in the morning and night and warm in the day. today we are enjoying this weather and shopping for a costume. here are moments we have shared thus far on this beautiful friday. yummy organic spinach waiting to fill our green smoothies

a growing school wall in pollywog's room displaying her favorite papers

sunporch playtime

strawberry milk break on the sunporch

our growing autumn wall

a breeze brought a wirlwind of falling golden leaves that a little girl couldn't resist dancing in...and a mommy too

were off to find the perfect mermaid costume and this evening pollywog is going to the circus!!!!! tomorrow my sweet friend and her daughter, pollywogs friend, invited us to a potluck/bonfire/campout at their farm. should be lots of fun! :::happy weekend:::

Saturday musings

This week went by in a blur. I haven't had much time to write here with days that filled up with activities and a sleepy mommy at the end of them. Pollywog had a wonderful week at school making apple pies and apple pictures, practicing the letter "C", discussing patterns, playing with play-dough, beading and lots of playtime with her friends. Friday I made pollywog a fort outside and she/ "Sally the Circus girl" made dandelion pies and stone stew. Later we met her cousins and my sis at a school carnival.

We had so much fun. It was a crisp evening and the smell of bonfire filled the air. The kids bounced, did bean bag tosses, won prizes, wore balloon crowns, ate hot dogs and roasted smores. That night pollywog, her cousin Brenna and her cousin Camden had a slumber party at grandma's. I relaxed at home watching a movie in bed and today having some time to myself I spent a few blissful hours on the river. It was so peaceful...the water was still and golden leaves sprinkled over the water. Pollywog had a wonderful time at grandmas playing dress up and princess, staying up late snuggling in bed with grandma and her cousins, and making fruit faces on pancakes for breakfast.

Tonight she had fairys on the brain so I traced one for her to color then she got to work creating a home for fairys to visit Complete with leaves for beds and drawings for the fairys to see. Sleepiness eventually got the best of her and she is pleasantly snoring next to me as I type. Tomorrow we have a full day of bike riding and a festival sponsored by Well Fed to attend. So I am off to sip my mint tea and watch "Cheaper by the Dozen" (the original of course) and snuggle in bed.