::princess sophia::

the little one has been praying nightly, for several months,

for a puppy.

i have been looking for the perfect one and when i came

across this little gal

i knew she was the one for us.

she is a purebred cocker spaniel.

she comes from a family of show dogs 

however this sweet baby has one blind eye.

she was born with this condition and does not have any illness.

 so the breeder did not want to sell her, 

but rather make sure that she went to a special, loving home.

 i knew when i read this that my pollywog had

more than enough love to give this pup.

we picked her up today and they have been inseparable since.

she is the sweetest baby and a great addition to our family.

she loves to be held and when pollywog or i are not

nearby she scampers to find us and whimpers until she is snug

in our arms.

we are in 

::love::

a bit of a plan for a non planner

one of my new year's resolutions is to work on being 

self-disciplined and self-motivated.

these are doozies for me.

when i make a commitment to something i am really good

about throwing myself fully into whatever it is.

however, in general i am one of those folks who is gun-ho at the beginning

of an endeavor only to fizzle out after the initial excitement.

my mantra's currently are:

stay consistent, be self-driven&disciplined, create good habits, and remember

you create the life you live!

ha...my knees quake just typing this.

one thing i am learning as i mature&grow

is that it is important to tailor goals to oneself.

meaning...know yourself.

i don't want to change my personality i want to work with it.

short term goals:

- getting back into shape is numero uno for me!

when my body is strong my mind and spirit feel strong.

not doing landscaping right now has made this mama soft and daily i feel the evidence 

of this mentally.

right now i really don't have the opportunity to hit the gym. financially and time

wise it is just not doable. so i have ordered various types of workout dvds

from the library that i am going to try out and see what ones work for me.

i have ordered ones like pilates style, yoga, dance, ballet barre workouts and zumba for example.

i will regularly write about ones i have tried and the pros&cons for me.

decades of passion for fitness has taught me what works for me and my body and what doesn't.

- healthy eating! i am pretty good about drinking my green smoothies each morning

but i must admit that in the winter&summer months they lack in excitement.

the organic greens are from a package and the fruit is mainly frozen fruit.

produce leaves much to be desired in this region. living on the west coast spoiled me.

i look forward to growing my own greens&veggies and picking them fresh daily for my smoothies.

in the meantime i am going to put more effort into finding fresh greens and fruit (aka the farm)

and going green smoothie cRazY! 

as well as incorporating more eggs, nuts, seeds and fish into said diet.

i know that my body thrives when i stick to simple.

beans&rice, grilled fish, fresh fruit&veggies, boiled eggs. 

spring&summer tend to inspire me more. 

(damn i wanna live somewhere warm year round...i've been saying this since i can remember)

- i am bringing back my "life in quotes" photo series.

i enjoyed stumbling upon quotes, poems and inspiring words and looking for 

  images to accompany them or vice versa.

it brought a sense of awareness to my day. i noticed small, beautiful details.

i plan to do this at least once a week.

- garden

i have spent the past few years focusing on my employers garden and

have not spent the time i would like planning and growing ours.

i always regret this later.

i have so much to learn.

the time i spend with pollywog observing&digging in the dirt

sitting among among the birds, perfume of tomatoes and sipping coffee in the mornings

is peaceful and spiritual for me.

so i am going to pour myself into this garden and reap the fruits of my labor.

before i get ahead of myself, let me stop here.

i am learning that when i set small steps it

  breeds success and is done at just the right pace.

ah
::pace::

::full::

i feel so much better since my last post.

it is truly amazing how much positive thoughts can alter the day.

i feel centered and focused and reminded that learning to 

let go and just flow

is powerful.

this evening the kids and i ordered pizza and had an impromptu picnic.

i tossed a blanket on the floor and we stuffed ourselves with the cheesy goodness.

i have not been cooking as much as i would like lately

but

i am letting go of putting this expectation on myself.

i know by now that i go through "phases"

so tonight we just enjoyed the simple pleasure of easy, and one another.

CJ indulged pollywog in her favorite activity

  "lego's with bubbie"

 seriously does it get any better than this?

(the kids teasing their mom. they say this is my mad face...makes me laugh every time)

i gave pollywog her own special diary.

she writes/draws in it regularly, it's pretty cute.

she pretends to lock it up and had bubbie write "DO NOT READ" on the front.

sometimes she lets me take a peek then tells me to forget what I just saw. :D

 the pages are full of amazing images that are so imaginative.

i love when she lets me see

"but not tonight mommy"...

::goodnight::

::sunday::

change is a process not an event

i usually reserve this space for moments i want to treasure.

it's a place i hope my children can look back on when they are older and hear
my love and gratitude for them.
see our cherished memories.
get a glimpse of their childhood and of their mom in her young days.

today though, i am going a different direction.

  my voice in this moment.
no crafts, recipes or flowered words to dress our simple but treasured days.
rather, just a woman who has ups and downs and is human.  

maybe it is the winter seasons

or maybe it is that i am nearing 35.

maybe it is a culmination of all that has occurred in the recent years

or maybe the past decade...

or maybe it is just the rhythms and cycles that are a part of life

or maybe it is all of the above- or none of the above.

whatever

-it is-

i am in the middle of it-

or the end as i prefer.

" it", i would describe as a sort of funk.

a feeling of restlessness.
a feeling that i am in eyes view of a path i should be on

but acutely aware it is not the one i am trekking currently.
or maybe i should rephrase as one that i realize is temporary and i know
needs to lead to something else.

the excitement of life i am so use to feeling, has seemingly vanished.

i have always been excited about life.

even when there have been nothing but obstacles and roadblocks

surrounding me,

which i can safely say has been the large percentage of my life.

maybe i am just tired of fighting.

fighting to live this life i know i am suppose to.

one that i have felt before in previous spurts in my life but was unable to maintain.

tired of hoping for better outcomes.

tired of living the motto of:

"if you do whats right, right will come to you."

i am starting to be cynical of this mantra.

  those who do wrong don't always get their just

and doing right doesn't mean everything will work out.

it feels like there has just been one difficult event after another and the stress has

gotten to me.

i have found myself in a state of un-well.

tired, chronic headaches, the mental blahs, sick, unmotivated and in a constant state of sad.

last night i found myself in the bathroom at 4 am staring at myself in the mirror and not recognizing 

myself.

staring back was a swollen eyed, miserable being.

so i prayed.

i asked God for his strength and help.

more than that i promised to do my part.

i cannot change others...but i can change me.

so i told him i would fight for my health. i would exercise and eat healthy and utilize

my wisdom and knowledge on health, on myself.

i would fight for joy and peace.

not let all that is and was, swallow me up.
i would be diligent in creating the life in unison with my beliefs.
surrounding myself and my children around good, positive, kind and healthy people and situations.
moving away from that which creates sadness, friction and negativeness.
i realized it is time to truly move forward in every realm of our lives.

i told God i would fight for this life that i know i am suppose to lead.

one of simplicity, beautiful surroundings, a creative community, in tune with the earth

self sustaining, self employed. where i am able to raise my kids in a present way.

that i would face each hurdle, one at a time and scale it.

rather than looking at all of them at once.

that i would not let all that is, get me down.

this morning when i awoke this prayer/cry out to God was still very much with me.

and i reminded myself that change is a process not an event.

so i am beginning that process today.

with this pounding head-ache, sore wisdom teeth, blah fatigue and tug of the blues

i choose hope and positive baby steps.
i am praying doors will open and i will have the foresight to walk through them.
 our lives are good here-but- i know that it is time to move forward into what is in store.
it is time to create not wait.
life is passing quickly.
  baby step goals:
- save money for wisdom teeth removal
- register for summer classes
- pollywog swim lessons (she is so excited about her soccer team that starts next month!)
- garden (gotta order those seeds and get to work on this)
- green smoothies daily (i need to get on the smoothie challenge train again. anyone want to join this?)
- exercise daily (just got some dance dvds!)
- experiment with new and healthy recipes
- be diligent in healthy eating around here
- hike and journal more
- spend time with my friends. i am always turning down invites. i need to socialize a bit more.
- farm visits
- start new blog endeavor: life in quotes, color series, solo mom series
 ( i enjoyed so much the life in quotes and color series i did here a couple of years ago. solo mom would be my reflections and images from days i spend with myself in the woods, or on the farm, etc)
    Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

 Romans 12:12

In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.
- tao te ching

i already feel better :)