the blues

The computer is up and running again. We had lost our power chord and searched everywhere for it...well, I thought everywhere. Until yesterday when I opened a drawer and it was sitting right there in plain sight. I have been a bit of a funk lately. As the months pass and the seasons change, the loss of my father sinks in even more. I desperately miss our conversations about politics, current events and sports. I miss his laugh in the very pit of my stomach. I miss his one liners and grumpy disposition that was just a thin cover for the sweet teddy bear he was. I miss his kisses. But mostly I miss having him to talk to. Whenever I was faced with a dilemma or struggling with anything he was my "go to". He was truly the best listener I have ever encountered. He never judged my words or intentions. He would listen and then offer his humble opinion with honesty, and usually humor. The realization of him not being here anymore is very difficult. When I feel sad like this, Murphy's law always seems to be present. Everything "feels" like it is falling apart around me. Everything seems harder. When I take a step back I realize its just life and its normal trials, but in the eye of the sadness it feels like a storm. I feed the sadness with comfort foods that make me feel awful, and I keep myself locked up in my house unwilling to let the warm sunshine comfort me. I wallow in self pity and then feel guilty for doing so. This lasts a day, maybe two, then at some point I look down on myself and realize, "enough is enough"... I stand up and realize my wounds have become new muscles and it's time to buck up. So today I am going to quit feeling sorry for myself. and here are some simple things that I am going to enjoy this week: - feeling accomplishment from cleaning my house - burning lavender and cinnamon incense and enjoying the gentle scents - letting the sunshine dry all of our winter sweaters and woolens recently unpacked - fluffing the fleece blankets that we all snuggle under during the cold months - listening to the adventures CJ had this weekend while at his friend's house - all the kisses and hugs my pollywog showers me with - cups of tea and political conversations with B - bringing more signs of autumn inside the home - yummy and energizing green smoothies - taking a long walk and letting the crisp air fill my lungs and remind me I am alive - gathering items with CJ in the woods for the Huckleberry Finn diorama we're working on - starting my crochet projects for this fall and winter (scarves and each child their first afghan) - finding a new novel to enjoy before bed each night. - giving myself hugs and letting my heavenly Father wipe away my tears and hold me - reading my Bible (any suggestions on a comforting book in the Bible to read?) - and this isn't necessarily a goal for the week but B and I often talk about how we wish we could meet a sweet old man or woman that maybe is lonely and we could be a family to. We love old folks and miss having them in our lives. I have no living grandparents and B has one grandmother who lives in Oregon (who we really miss!) We would love for the kids to have the wonderful gifts of joy, stories and wisdom that the elderly bring. We are praying that God will bring someone special like this into our families life. Maybe I should look into all of us visiting some nursing homes especially around the holidays. Has anyone ever done this? I'd love to hear about it. - looking for a little cafe or something that I can work at in the early mornings before my family wakes up. I have really been missing working outside the home. I love meeting new people and making little paychecks- especially with two birthdays in December and Christmas... - which reminds me: I want to start working on some hand made gifts for the season. and to end on a positive are a couple of snapshots of pollywog's Sunday in the park: Thanks for listening.