this hat...

Today was a very busy day. I had planned on posting pictures from today and well...
This evening I stumbled upon my dad's hat.

This hat was always on his head when he left the house. This hat was worn with much pride. This hat often sparked conversations with other Veterans and gave them the opportunity to reminisce. This hat lay across his heart many times when the Pledge of Allegiance was spoken or Star Spangled Banner was sung. This hat he left to his grandson, my son.
Before I knew it, I was burying my face in my daddy's hat, weeping. And then I smelled him. This sent a wave of sorrow so deep. It wasn't that long ago, this hat had the privilege of resting on my daddy's head.
I didn't want to put his hat down. I wanted to squeeze my eyes till he appeared before me.
I haven't allowed myself much space to grieve. It is too much and too big. I am scared of opening the door to this sadness.
But tonight I needed to let some seep out to give me room to live.
So I let myself miss him and I let myself sob.
I listened to his favorite song and let myself dance with him. Clear as day I can remember my dad sitting on the couch listening to this song, closing his eyes, cocking his head and singing. Oh how he loved music.
Now I can close the door for awhile and let myself live a little bit more than yesterday.
Here's to you dad...